Revelations Quest Psychology

A lot of us have found ourselves in situations that have made us feel uncomfortable. For some, questioning if a certain experience with someone was abuse happens more often than it should.

In a close relationship, be it romantic, platonic and/or familial, it can be difficult to know whether and/or accept that you are being abused. This is especially difficult if the person tells you that they love you, meet all other needs, gift you, help you pay your bills, etc. It is understandable why this might be, because abusive individuals are capable of love and/or can act loving and supportive as a way to keep you in the relationship (especially if they are aware of what they are doing). With that being said, it is important to remember that their loving and positive behaviour does not make their abusive behaviour acceptable or fine.

You might ask yourself. “Then how do I know if I am being abused? What is abuse?” Simply put, abuse is cruel and/or violent treatment of a person or animal, regularly/repeatedly. One can also define it as an improper use of something (such as power, trust, alcohol, etc.). But if were to try be more detailed:

What is Abuse?

• Abuse occurs when people mistreat, misuse other people, showing no concern for their integrity or innate worth as individuals. and in a way that degrades their well-being.
• It is a pattern of behaviour used by one person to gain and maintain power and control over another.

Now, one might ask themselves, “Am I really being abused here, or these are just the dynamics of our relationship? Is this not how he/she shows love to me?” You know what? Sometimes, it is not an abusive relationship, but an unhealthy relationship/relationship with unhealthy dynamics.

Signs of Abuse:

It can be difficult to name all signs but for now, we will focus on the most prominent ones.

• Keeping track of everything you do & relationships you have with others
• Being jealous and controlling
• Demeaning you
• Physically hurting/threatening to hurt you or your loved ones
• Forcing you to have sex or other intimate activity

Signs of an Unhealthy Relationship:

As alluded to above, at times you find that a relationship is not abusive, but it may have serious problems that make it unhealthy.

• If you focus all of your energy on your partner/other person
• Neglect friends, family and/or activities you enjoy
• Feel pressured or controlled by the person
• Have more bad times than good times in the relationship
• Often feeling sad or scared when with this person
• Knowing that this person does not support you and what you want to do in life
• Do not feel comfortable being yourself or making your own decisions
• Cannot speak honestly to work out conflicts in the relationships
• Cannot talk about your needs/changes in your life that are important

To identify if someone is being abused can be tricky. It is tricky because there is a wide array of things to look out for. For instance, physical signs such as bruises and scars, affective assigns such as low mood and irritability, behavioural signs such as social isolation and other new/odd behaviour, changes in appearance, and general health changes.

The manner in which abuse unfolds tends to be the same.

Cycle of Abuse:

Getting Help:

Talking to someone you trust could be helpful in getting the right advice, as well as help alleviate the emotional distress. Reporting the abuse is recommended so that legal measures can be taken. When your life in danger, reporting the individual might be helpful and/or tricky, and so, having a clear safety/exit plan might work in your favour. This safety/exit plan might need additional help from trusted people around you so that it can be successful. It is not a decision to be taken lightly, but what is important is your life and your wellbeing.