Revelations Quest Psychology

How Did We Get Here?!

It is so easy to talk about romantic break-ups. Maybe not easy, but definitely more common. Most of us can definitely relate to the feelings that come with having to end a relationship that was so significant in our lives. We almost always expect that romantic relationships do not always last. Sometimes, they do, and sometimes they do not. We hardly ever think about friendships ending. Friendships are the relationships that feel safe for us, as we always lean towards our friends when we are in need emotionally, physically, socially, and sometimes, financially. They are relationships we know we can be ourselves, and be vulnerable because we trust that there is no judgement and we have chosen each other. We always think that romantic relationships can end at any given time, but friendships? They will last forever because the people we befriend almost always become our chosen family members.

Be that as it may, when the friendship dynamics change, it can be very difficult. We always expect the relationship to remain the same throughout all the seasons, much like in primary or high school. But as we become adults, it can be a bit more challenging as we begin to live individual/separate lives, and simply, life just happens. This is when you begin to evaluate the value of your friendship. If your loved ones are no longer able to be there for you or adjust to your new life changes and support you through them, it can be very lonely and difficult. Things like moving to a new city, work-related changes, becoming a parent, struggling with mental health, as well as other basic life changes, are things that can contribute to friends not being able to connect in the manner they use to. However, it becomes incredibly difficult for the relationship to progress if either party does not take accountability for their part in the relationship suffering/changing/ending.

No one really wants to take the blame for a relationship or friendship failing. That would mean that one did something wrong, right? And having to process that guilt? Wow! It can be very difficult. But what we do not realise is that taking accountability can help the process. It shows that you realise and acknowledge the part you played in the relationship being at its current state. Friends, in fact, all relationships, require self-awareness; a process of self-auditing. Continuously! And to know where to from here and where you stand with someone, communication needs to happen. An honest conversation needs to be had. An honest conversation with yourself, as well as your loved one.

Here are a few questions you can reflect when you try audit yourself and the relationships you are in:

• What is the purpose of this relationship for me?
• Is this relationship serving its purpose in my life/in this season?
• How do I genuinely feel in this relationship?
• Are my needs being met in this relationship?
• How am I currently contributing to the relationship’s current state?
• What can be done by me, and/or the other, to make this relationship more fulfilling/enjoyable?

For some, there might be no answers. That is absolutely ok. I just need you to take note of how you feel in the relationship and let that guide you. The biggest favour we can all do for ourselves, is listen to ourselves. Always!