Revelations Quest Psychology

One thing all human beings have in common? An innate need to belong. To feel accepted by others. Whether one is willing to admit it or not. And who can blame us?! The desire to form and maintain social bonds is amongst the most powerful human motives. We do not want to feel rejected. One’s sense of belonging, or rejection, can greatly impact the physical, emotional, psychological, and spiritual wellbeing of the individual. This is why we all want to be accepted and embraced by the ones we deem important to us. Feeling disliked, excluded, unappreciated or devalued can stir up negative emotions in an individual. Often times, one would question if they are worthy, valuable, important, special, and possibly even question their entire existence. If we are being honest, no one wants to feel like they are not accepted or seen by the ones around them.

Believing you are liked, included, appreciated or valued elicits feelings of higher self-esteem and confidence boosts. The interesting thing is that belonging can give us a sense of purpose, meaning and identity. It makes us feel like we are alive for a reason. People like us and see us for who are and we do not need to overextend or over exert ourselves for the acceptance and love.

At times where one is not sure where they stand with other people, one subconsciously/consciously starts presenting themselves in a way they think the other (individual, group, organisation, family, etc.) would like them to. To be accepted by a particular group or by another individual, one might convey, or even conceal, certain parts of their personality/life. This is usually done to influence the audience to perceive one as one who belongs/acceptable.

Needless to say that this sounds like a lot of work. But what we do not talk about enough is having to need feel accepted by, or as if one belongs within, one’s own family. This is especially difficult for ones who have been rejected/abandoned by their parents/caregivers, ones born out-of-wedlock, ones in 1-parent households, ones from multicultural homes, and/or multiracial individuals. If one does not know where they feel most at home and accepted, questions of identity and purpose surface, and one ends up having an existential crisis, whether they choose to acknowledge it or not.

Society has a way of setting expectations on how people should identify and where they should belong, without realising that that can only exist on the basis of mutuality/reciprocity. One will only feel like they belong and identify as part of that particular group if that particular group is accepting and welcoming of that individual. Everyone brings value, no matter how minute it might seem.

In general, individuals seek out those who are most similar to them. People like to feel like they can relate to someone, and those who are similar to them give them that feeling. But a genuine sense of belonging and one’s true identity only comes when one presents their authentic self. It becomes unconditional positive regard. Accepted for who and what you are, regardless of one’s shortcomings.

4 Elements of Belonging:

• Being seen for one’s unique characteristics/contributions
• The connection between the parties
• Feeling supported
• An alignment and pride of shared values, purpose or identity

Reciprocation is key.

Being seen, accepted and supported by the other and vice versa.

Food For Thought:

Why would you want to be accepted by people who blatantly, or maybe even subtly, reject you? Who only accept you for what you can do for them, but cannot return the same gesture? If you are doing that, you are putting yourself in a painful cycle of self-inflicted rejection because you chose belonging to others instead of belonging to self first; demonstrating your self-worth and self-love.